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03:03pm 15/09/2007
  im in love with blogs. not blogging myself but other peoples blogs. i end up falling into their world, and i cant get out. maybe this is my celebrity infatuation (yes i love reading about celebrities, call it an interest in pop culture, call it mind numbing fun). maybe it comes down to jealousy, yes i wish sometimes i could quite literally party like a rock star, or pro skateboarder. i bring up skateboarders, as im in love with patrick o'dells site epicly later'd. Its a photoblog of his life, which is like double bonus points as i do enjoy photography and i get to be neck deep (i was going to go with balls but that would sound like i have a man crush on him, awkward) in his life. he even makes buying beer look like the closest thing in the world (speaking of which i need to go buy more beer). anyways i don't know why i have this need to front crawl through these people's lives, it just comes naturally for some reason. but i always wonder if they think its creepy, like if they log their website activity and see this 19 year old from kingston going through entry after entry, do they go like 'sketchy.' do they even care? they obviously are putting their lives out in this public forum, so is that what they are looking for? but then i ask myself why am i asking questions to myself on a semi public blog, that like only three people read? i ask a lot of questions. and always fail to proof read.  
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Maybe, somehow, this scam will still save us all?   
07:27pm 29/08/2007
  Usually my topic titles have nothing to do with the subject matter of the entry. In fact, they tend to just be lyrics from the song I am listening to at said time. However, today it is both, kind of. I think? Needless to say, I got in a small argument with my father, which proceeded to turn into a full on blowout, with him storming out of the room. The subject of the argument has no relation to the point of this entry, so i am going to skip over it. In the end I was right, or more accurately, I was more correct. He would not accept this, and thus his only solution was to storm out of the kitchen. Very childish, but still a move I may have used on several previous occasions. Now to maintain the status quo, which would have most likely allowed me and my father to end on fairly solid terms, I should have said I was wrong. easy. To say I was wrong, would have given him the moral victory over me, and I could have lived with knowing that I was in fact correct. I did not take the easy way out. Instead I stuck to what I knew to be correct and the rest (as they say)...is mentioned above.

Now as I review the situation I ask myself, why didn't you simply accept the easy way out. It is after all easier? you like easier, easier is generally considered good. Is it because you didn't have time to breakdown the pros and cons of winning said argument. No, I pretty sure I realized that me winning was going to piss him off. Is it because I am generally known as being a fairly stubborn *add choice exploitive here*? Quite possibly. Or is it because I refuse to just go along to get along. Eventually one has to stand up for what one believes in or else your relationship is a total scam (Ha told i would bring this back to the title). Am I just trying to find an excuse to justify my failing of always wanting to be right? I am not sure. But I certainly do not feel bad about the outcome. Nor do I believe I would change how I acted if I had the chance, no matter the consequences.		  
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The ones that love us least, are the ones we will die to please.   
11:44pm 04/08/2007
 
music: Live at the Key Club Against Me! - Bastards of Young
Relationships are over rated. Not that I've been in A real one. And I am sure the whole having sex often is great. But for some reason, once people are in relationships the whole world revolves around their significant other. Everyone else becomes second best. Thats down right diabolically evil. And did i mention stupid, self absorbed, narcissistic, and a bunch of other negative nasty things.

I've spent the day figuring out what I need for Kingston, how long it is until I get out of Ottawa (31 Days), how many days I will have to work (19). I am going down on the 15th, so that only means one thing beer, sheesha, and setting up my room. Should be awesome. Needless to say I am a little excited about Kingston. Oh and night out with the locks staff should be fun. Guess I'm not going dry. Although my hungover intervention was fun, for reals. JOKES!		  
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Deciding if my feet smell funny? They do.   
04:22pm 29/07/2007
 
music: New Slang - The Shins
People annoy me. I annoy people. This is annoying. I am bored, annoyed, angry, horny, thirsty, infertile, happy, sad, drunk, on coke (a cola), amused, and silly. I rarely make sense on paper or computer screen. I enjoy long walks on the beach, am disapointed in certain people for reasons I don't feel need stating. I want to break someone else's knee caps for reasons that i can't talk about. And I am really wondering if I should post this to my journal. Too late.		  
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Amy Moore, blew her top, stole a car, shot a cop.   
10:37pm 23/07/2007
 
music: Sublime - April 29, 1992
So its looking more like i have been screwed by a housemate, and not in the fun need a smoke afterwards screwed. Which means i will be making a small voyage down that lovely four lane highway to Toronto. Silver lining - it looks like i will get some shopping in and get to see James, Emma, Michelle and whoever else wants to hang with my ass.		  
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Hell may have, in fact, frozen over.   
02:31pm 19/07/2007
 
music: White People for Peace - Against Me!
I can't believe I am saying this, but I am thinking of giving up the drink for a while. No I am not saying forever, hell maybe not even for long, but I am not liking the person I am becoming when I get that drunk. I use to be this happy go lucky drunk, a good person to have around. Now I am angry, obnoxious, drunk who insults his friends. Thats zero fun. I think this is more a reflection of the mood I am in general, I'm not happy, hell sometimes I'm down right miserable living at home. And the few people that are keeping me sane are the ones who I am being an ass too. My problem isn't the drinking, the drinking just makes the problem worse. So I have some thinking to do.		  
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And we fall apart so easily.   
11:15pm 16/07/2007
 
music: Weezer - Paperface
So I am no longer a History major. So long, Farewell. Say hello to the new Political Science Student. Hopefully the new move will mean a new wave for my academic efforts. Speaking of 'New Wave' everyone go buy Against Me's new disc 'New Wave,' its better then tequila and a close second to gin. High praise as both of those things have alcohol in them.		  
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I like boobs, against me!, and well, boobs   
09:50pm 10/07/2007
  Ok now that i have got the obvious out of the way, i just felt necessary, I can get down to the skin and bones of this entry. I really need to get paid, my job is long and takes effort, and its not worth it when your working for free arg. I cant believe they don't accept arg as a word. damn livejournal. Guindon is back in town, so that means jager shots and labatt 50. life could be worse.  
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if anything could feel this real forever?   
01:21pm 06/07/2007
 
music: Against Me! - Thrash Unreal
I miss Kingston. I'm not even going to lie, Ottawa is starting to get on my nerves. I can't really judge with a great deal of certainty what exactly draws me to that little prison infested town, full of well old folks and ex cons. Who knows. Is it a push or a pull factor which draws me there? Is it that i will always equate Ottawa to the awkward teenage years of high school. Not exactly knowing where my place in life lies. Perhaps its living with my parents again, it certainly does not help that they are trying to re-establish themselves as authority figures. And everyone knows my opinions of authority figures. Maybe its due to the fact that university, and thus Kingston, was a great period of growth for me. Personal growth and growth in my tolerance to alcohol. I love the friends I have here, they are some of the people i will be closest with for the rest of my life. But part of me realizes that no matter what I do they will always view me the way they viewed me in high school. I once heard that the way you spend the first 5 minutes with someone will define your relationship with them for the rest of your life. I am finding that there might be some credence to that. Maybe its simply that the friends I have in Kingston think I am way cooler than I really am. So I have no idea why I like that place, but i do know I love it there.		  
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summer in the city/self destruction   
07:48pm 27/06/2007
 
music: She's Hearing Voices - Bloc Party
With no work to do, yeah days off (I am not even sure if that is suppose to be sarcastic or not). I've been downloading my fair share of music. What i find interesting is that my taste in music has changed drastically. Not that i don't like the same music that i did lets say three years ago, but that I've grown to accept more variety in my musical tastes.

My new favorite artist/teeny girl crush is regina spektor. She's a singer song writer from New York who layers her soulful voice and piano tracks, over some rock and roll beats. Add in some indy rock flair and effects for good measure. I would have never listened to her in High School cause it wasn't PR/hXc enough. Thats silly, as you should never make up your mind about anything based simply upon a label you place on yourself or 'it.' My other download of the day is the Adolescents, legends in the Punk/Hardcore scene of the mid 80's they are all about PUNK ROCK MAN! PUNK ROCK! (see SLC PUNK!) They are exactly what I would have listened to in High School if it would have been trendy at the time. AKA they had jet black hair, bandana's, and skinny jeans.

I don't want to pull a Grey's Anatomy here, and wrap everything up with a vague general summation of my entry, but...its not a bad thing to open yourself to new things and ideas, as long as it doesnt effect who you are at the center of things. Never mind its just music.		  
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Goals   
07:15pm 24/06/2007
 
music: Tragically Hip - Fireworks
First off, i hate fakie pop shove-its, my back can attest to that. I have a few goals for the week, continue to get at least half an hour of skating in daily. Stop drinking so much damn coke, limit of one coke every three days. screw it i have limits, every two days. Live a more interesting life. Don't care so much about the little things. And decide what I want to do with this thing called life.		  
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walking is still honest   
06:19pm 23/06/2007
 
music: I Still Love You Julie - Against Me!
And here ends a very hedonistic 3 days for Colin. As my parents are out of town, I have spent the vast majority of the time drunk. It was good, it was a break, it might not be the best thing for me. But god it was fun. But as my parents are due to return home any moment, and I don't work this week, I was trying to figure out where i can focus my efforts (now that the thirst to drink has been nicely quenched). I've found my answer in skateboarding, so I am trying to get at least 30 minutes on the board daily. Relearning tricks etc etc, today was the fakie pop shove-it. Not rolling them out like I want to, but i did manage to get my feet down on a few. I'm going to try to post in this thing more often (I've been inspired by Lesley Arfin's "Dear Diary" see: http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n11/htdocs/dear_diary.php). Maybe its just because its about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. all person favorites. But there is something oddly captivating about a former addict looking back on her drug life. Although it also oddly makes me want to do just a boot load of drugs.		  
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05:41pm 23/06/2007
  Old Entry from a few months back, i was quite angry surprisingly:

I had a really really drunk night Tuesday (hell and one last night, but that does not apply to this entry) and i ended up making my way home with a close friend of mine after stumbling from one friends house to another. We ended up having a a fairly, i don't want to say deep as you cant be deep when your that hammered so...interesting conversation. We talked about life love and all that jazz. Needless to say, he had girl problems, and his way of dealing with it was downing a truck full of booze with me. Although, that doesn't sound sensitive, i came to the realization that even he had only been with this girl for a few weeks, he was still genuinely hurt.

More guys need to be like that, i had another conversation with a 'friend' at a bar (last night, so Thursday's drunk night does matter to this entry YES) and he was complaining, that even if he was attractive, funny, he still never got the girl. MAYBE THEY DON'T LIKE YOU BECAUSE THEY CAN TELL YOUR SO GOD DAMN INTO YOURSELF!! I do not understand why this annoyed me so much, but something about someone being that self centered just pinches a nerve. I'm sure i sound like a regular Holden Caulflied, hating phonies and the like only to find out of the phoniest of 'em all is me, still good lord guys get over yourself.		  
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06:37pm 17/04/2007
  I have come to the realization that I am a horrible student. This isn't really shocking as it has grown over time (and just look at my study habits, there are none). I no longer want to attend university, not just this university, but any university. Yet somehow I know I will be back here next Fall clawing at any chance to stay a student at such a prestigious institution. God, what a hypocritically idiot I have become.  
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12:15am 20/03/2007
 
music: What's the Matter with Parents Today? - Nofx
I've come to the realization that I am a horrible person. No this is not a post to make people feel sorry for me. I can cover off, at least six of the seven deadly sins in a day. Nor will this be a post about me finding God, I am quite happy with where I am spiritually. I do quite literally nothing with myself most days. Go out most nights, drink far to much (i should note i am having a Jameson's on the rocks right now which is delicious). Been smoking way to much, even when I wanted to quit all that cigarette, hookah, and pot none sense. Yet somehow I am content. I enjoy my way of life, I am quite happy to lay bed till 1 or 2. Make food, sit on my ass, maybe do a little work, if I absolutely have to hand it in. Skip Class, cause I slept in till 1 or 2. Talk to some friends, make some plans for dinner and drinks sometime after 9. Yet as a type this, people are being slaughtered in Africa, starving on the streets, kids being beaten by their parents within blocks of my house. And I do nothing, how can I be happy with this apathetic lifestyle which Im stuck in, when I know all these things are happening and I do absolutely nothing to change them?

I guess the long and the short of it, is a feel powerless right now. I have no drive, no desire to better myself or my fellow human being, no goals. And what scares me more then all of this, more then all of these negative aspects of my life, is that I have absolutely no idea how to change it.

Amidst all of this, I really should be happy because I can finally say, Colin 634 HIV 0. Suck a giant dick whoever left that needle in the washroom, im healthy as a horse! Maybe I can use this to launch myself towards helping people with AIDS or promoting awareness. But I doubt it. Scary , No?		  
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Le Sigh   
10:11pm 16/12/2006
 
music: Against Me! - How Low
Yes, I am doing one of these silly end of the year things, it wil most likely get deleted soon enough. But as this is my last night in kingston and im not doing anything exciting (le boozed out) why the heck not. See you in the new year kingston.

[x] stayed single (Dating is over rated)
[x] got kissed (i dont remeber, but i was told it was epic)
[x] kissed someone new (if i kept kissing the same person that would be quite boring)
[x] made out
[ ] made out in a car
[ ] kissed in the snow
[ ] kissed in the rain
[ ] had my heart broken
[ ] broke someone else's heart
[ ] had a stalker
[x] lost a friend (Well i didn't actually lose him, like i know where he is)
[x] had a good relationship with someone
[ ] came out of my closet
[ ] got pregnant
[ ] had an abortion
[ ] got married
[ ] had a divorce
[ ] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] met someone that I will never forget (And met a lot of people i will never remeber)
[x] did something I regret (I do stuff i regret all the time, damn alcohol)
[ ] dated someone I thought I loved
[ ] lost my true love
[ ] lost faith in love
[ ] kissed under mistletoe
[ ] got a promotion
[ ] got a pay raise
[x] changed jobs (Screw you and die college pro painters)
[ ] lost my job
[ ] quit my job for school
[ ] dated a co-worker
[ ] dated my boss
[ ] dated my boss's son/ daughter...does my teacher's son count?
[ ] got fired from my job
[ ] got straight A's
[ ] met a teacher who I became friends with
[x] met a teacher who I really hate (thank god i don't go to class)
[ ] found the subject I love
[x] skipped class (YAH!)
[x] skipped school (YAH!)
[x] got in a fight with a classmate
[x] did something I was proud of (OH YAH!)
[x] discovered a new talent (Im not very talented at it but sure)
[x] proved myself an idiot
[ ] embarrassed myself in front of the class
[ ] fell in love with a teacher
[x] was involved in something that I will never forget (HEHE Stauffer will never be the same)
[ ] painted a picture
[ ] wrote a poem
[x] ran a mile
[x] listened to music I couldn't stand
[x] double dipped
[ ] skinny dipped
[x] went to a sleepover
[ ] went to camp
[x] threw a surprise party
[x] laughed till I cried
[ ] laughed till I peed my pants
[x] flirted shamelessly
[ ] visited a foreign country
[ ] visited a foreign province
[ ] cooked a disastrous meal
[x] was part of a rumor
[x] lost something important to me (well it was stolen, dumb theiving *bad words*)
[x] got a gift I love
[x] realized something new about myself
[x] went on a diet (if by diet you mean spent all my food money on booze then yes)
[ ] tried to gain weight
[ ] dyed my hair
[ ] came close to losing my life
[ ] someone close to me died
[x] went to a wild party (infact i held one)
[x] drank alcohol (in fact i did last night)
[x] drank alcohol underage (NOT ANYMORE!!!)
[x] got drunk (also last night, and the night before that, and well..)
[ ] got arrested
[x] read a great book
[x] saw a great movie
[ ] saw a movie so scary that it made me cry
[x] saw a favorite band live (PROTEST!)
[x] did something that I want to tell everyone
[x] experienced something new (Yep)
[x] made new friends (I make new friends all the time)
[x] found out who your real friends are
[x] lied to your parents
[x] snuck out
[ ] got in trouble with police
[ ] kissed in a pool
[ ] kissed under the stars
[x] smoked
[x] got high
[x] got wasted
[x] went to a party
[x] had the time of your life
[x] danced
[ ] fell out of love
[x] had a crush on someone
[ ] changed your sexual preference
[x] swam in a pool
[ ] made a snowman (but i intend to)
[ ] went snowboarding (skiing is much cooler)
[ ] went sledding
[x] slept in past 2pm
[x] held someones hand that you care about
[x] got wasted in a public place (i'm drunk in public all the time)
[ ] got wasted in Mexico
[x] told someone you like them as more than a friend
[ ] gone on vacation
[ ] gone on vacation with a friend
[ ] driven a car
[x] played strip poker
[ ] danced in the rain
[x] rode a bike in the snow
[ ] got in a car accident
[ ] seen someone get in a car accident
[x] got in a fist fight
[x] laughed until you couldn't breathe
[x] had an amazing year
[x] missed someone
[ ] got hit by a car (do i look like JF?)
[ ] sent someone to the hospital
[ ] got a new pet
[x] enjoyed this year overall


It was a good year, with its ups and downs like any other. Now back to Ottawa for more drinking, more sillyness, with new faces! Cheerio.		  
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Eww Exams   
06:23am 14/12/2006
  Yes its 5 in the morning, and yes I do in fact have an exam at 9. No I will not be sleeping tonight as in all likely hood if my head touches my pillow I will be sleeping when my exam is finishing. God but how I hate exams, it brings out absolutely the worst in me, I over think things, constantly worry, am totally stressed out, and have smoked my first cigarette in a solid two months (i then smoked another, i know my poor lungs). I am working on about three and a half hours, and the only thing that is keeping me awake is Red Bull and those damn cigarettes. Oh and did i mention, i will most likely fail the exam i am about to write, even with reading an entire text book in the period of 24 hours, and the not sleeping. To be brutally honest i should be doing some more reading on American expansionism in the 1830's but i need to vent. Isn't University life grand! Oh god that was a yawn, I'm screwed.  
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This one thing   
06:12am 05/12/2006
 
music: Sarah Harmer - Basement Apt.
Sure i may be failing at life, sure i am an acedemic mess. Yes I am up working at 5 in the morning. But one thing is for certain, i will have some stories to tell. Oh boy will i have stories.		  
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And on that note..   
07:29pm 15/11/2006
  I feel i should tell someone, anyone, in the form of an announcement, that i am giving up smoking. Yes I know, I have said this before and talked about putting in steps in order to slowly ween myself off smoking. Well that plan has failed miserably, so it's cold turkey time. Farewell, cigars, cigarettes, hookahs, and bong hits, you shall be sorely missed.

In other more positive news, Colin is slowly learning how to play the drums YEAH! Please take slowly as in 'I am really really bad at them right now!!!'

Longer update to follow when i dont have two essays to write.		  
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Everytime I Breathe   
04:30am 07/11/2006
  I have always found that certain songs will always remind me of a particular period my life. I know this follows the theme of other topics of discussion, however I can't be bothered. What seems odd is how something as trivial as a song, can highlight such important events in our personal history. In many ways the song which we choose matters little, it could be simply a song you sought out in sorrow or joy, something that was playing in the background while whatever took place, even something you had stuck in your head that day. What matters is that every time you hear that song your mind associates it with this memory. If you are unlucky in your random play list on itunes, you can go from funneling in residence to heart broken in bed, with a parallel pattern in ones emotions. In this way i feel music holds a great power over us, which we the unknowing listener forget on occasion.

No matter what I do, The Bands Weight will always remind me of Kendall. As long as i live every time i hear You Think Your Worth a Million Bucks by Queens of the Stoneage my mind will drift to funneling wine with James. Every time i play Against Me's classic T.S.R. I want to be moshing with Matty. If i hear Santana's Live at Woodstock, I smell smoke coming out from shower. Bobcaygeon will always remind me of chilling in a room with my friends and just have the best time of our life singing the Hip. Lost Together will remind me unrequited love.

The point of the trip down memory lane is that should we always be thinking when we hear this song, how will i remember it? Will Sarah Harmer's "Basement Apt." be forever identified with living in sub standard housing with 5 (or 4) of your closet friends, with dishes stacked just lower then the empties in the corner, bats and rats, and the ever lingering smell skunked beer. God I hope so.		  
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